What’s your wish my Aka

(light)

All of us were in jolly mood. Playing the clown, we asked Parvez to give us a gift. Like a genie he said “Ok I will make your one wish true, any wish. But wish cannot be replaced with wish. You got five minutes to tell me your wish” and timer started.

Ooh! This abrupt call tangled me, for a moment I was blank. This was once in lifetime opportunity. Wish should be the biggest wish of my life which will make me truly happy, leaving me in a state of euphoria for lifetime.

Tic-tac tic-tac, each strokes of timer took on roller coaster in my brains, thousands of wishes hurtling in mind. A ticket to back-home, lots of money, model-look body, buying a house, travel around the world, travelling all heritage places in India, working for a social cause, organic farming, photography, jungle safari are some of the hidden cravings suddenly emanate like Chinese bamboo. Two minutes left! Timer was running fast counting a minute of 20 seconds.  

In mythological films, I saw after austerity (Tapasya) God appears and ask a wish of devotee. But then he knows what he want, in fact the very purpose of his austerity was the wish. This was sudden, without tapasya, noting predetermined. It was very difficult to choose one wish, there was a ‘but’ with each one of them.  The moment I decide on one, I see some discomfort with it or another seems to be important. Going back home without money will not be fulfilling, but home is important than money, body of a Greek God predominates travel around the world, social cause and organic farming goes hand in hand ….… endless rounds of wrestling indifferent to stop.

Trinnnnnnnn! Timer shouted time out.  Words left in mouth, wishes left in mind, Parvez smiled at our helplessness and went away acting genius befooling us. Five minutes was over and everyone returned back to their work. But I don’t know something was still awake in me. Why couldn’t I make any wish, what made me so puzzled to decide anything that will make me happy. What is purpose of my life, dilemma elevating to next level.

Lately I stared feeling stuck, like my life is moving nowhere. I read lot many books and surfed wide world of web, but couldn’t get rid of my bad feeling. This incident gave me a clue. During studies or say before age 25, I had some goals for every year, a decide purpose and notably I was achieving those goals. My goals were clearing one academic level and moving to the next one. Clearing 10^th standard, then 12^th standard, then bachelorette and so on. Not only this, I was also achieving the goals I had set and moving to next level. Setting a goal, achieving it and then again setting a new goal, left me unreachable to these bad feelings. At that time I had so many wishes and most of those were getting fulfilled. But after coming into business of life earning, marrying, raising kids etc I disregarded my wishes or swept them under the carpet to fulfill my obligations or even if I desire I am not achieving my wish. For example from last 2 years I am trying to lose weight and gain muscles, but not getting success in my wish leaving me with stuck feeling.

Anyway, I again wish to lose 8 kgs of my fats (to start with for target of Greek God body). So what’s your wish my Aka.